Men love Watching Cookery Shows

If the zoomed in image of the food looks delicious while aimlessly surfing different channels of the TV, your thumb will automatically stop tapping the button of the remote. You will start following what the chef is demonstrating. If you have missed a substantial part of the program there are high chances that you would tolerate the advertisements to get a glimpse of the recap. Interestingly, it is not just women but also men are watching cookery shows with great interest because today men spend more time cooking than what their fathers did. The changing gender roles, the accelerated pace of women’s emancipation and progress in consumerism contribute in making cookery shows popular amongst men.

If anything is exotic it attracts more attention. The cookery shows on television are lapping up new ideas and trying to transfer the exoticism of the restaurants to the television screens and this is why men are also hooked. There is also an exotic feel to how the shows are being presented. The different light settings and camera angles add drama to cookery shows and result in the increase of viewership for both the genders. Most of the chefs are men. The male audience is able to relate to the show because of their presence.

The respect for multiculturalism has increased. We like to understand the cultures of different nations and food plays an integral role in understanding different cultures. This makes watching cookery shows a sensible activity for men. Moreover, watching someone cook is not a new behavior for them. If we get into the memories of our childhood, we would vividly remember how interesting it was to watch our mothers chop, cut, cook and clean. Whenever there were guests at home; a great part of the conversation revolved around food. The women folk even demonstrated each other the way a particular food item was cooked; with children jostling around to have a peep of what was in the pan.

Men have grown up seeing their mothers so involved with cooking that somehow that habit has got imbibed in their personalities. Hence they love watching how the chefs meticulously transform raw food items into cuisine that is from all over the world. The growth of society, media and technology mirrors their interest in cookery shows appropriately.

The Great Dilemma

Whether to unfriend your ex and her friends on facebook or not?

Two days ago,  I came across a feed from one of my friends on facebook. He had shared a link on his wall, which asked the following question:

I'm cleaning out my friends list, Do you want to stay? Let me know.

	YES
	NO
	NOT  SURE

I found this link very sweet. The most wonderful thing one can expect from one’s friend is that he / she simply remains his friend because there is nothing more to be prized than true friendships. Considering the affable nature of the person who had shared this link on his wall, I am sure he would not have received any clicks on the second and third option.

However, this might not be the case for many especially the ones who are going through a recent break-up or divorce. Facebook friendships are different from the conventional friendships. In many  people's profiles certain friends are there in the friends’ list not because they have direct friendships but because they are friends of the people one is dating or married to. It is common for couples in love to share everything and that applies to sharing some friendships in facebook as well. After break-up or divorce these shared friendships can become a reason of discontentment.

A couple was going through the procedures of divorce. The wife had to let go all her acquaintances that were mutual between her and her husband because her husband was projecting himself to be the perfect gentleman and  making their mutual friends believe that the wife was the only reason of why they broke up. It was even more disturbing for the woman when she discovered that even though she had unfriended her husband on facebook; he had access to her posts through their mutual acquaintances and was actually trying to gather evidence against her to undermine her credibility in order to gain an edge in the divorce proceedings.

The other day, I was discussing this issue with one of my friends who had a recent break-up in a relationship that had stretched for a couple of years. He felt that if one is in good terms with the acquaintances of the person with whom one has had a break-up or divorce then why to unfriend them without any reason. He had a point, but then he also mentioned that it is disturbing when latest information related to his ex or the pictures in which she is tagged in; pops up in his facebook feeds through the profiles of their mutual friends. He accepted that those are the moments when he looses focus for some time.

I can correlate this feeling of helplessness with one incident of the past. Many years ago, I was busy shopping in a crowded shopping area of Mumbai with one of my friends when she came face-to-face with her ex . He was there with his new girlfriend. My friend and her ex exchanged some formal pleasantries and even though I  knew their common past, instead of giving them  some personal space, I kept on standing there throughout their conversation, like a silly person because Mumbai was new to me and  I didn’t know where to go without my friend even for a short while. The new girlfriend  of the guy would have stayed back all through the conversation if she had the slightest inkling of the depth of feelings that was oozing out from the hearts of both the parties. She thought they were just casual acquaintances and hence got lost in the milieu of shops that were spread out on both the sides of the busy street on which we were standing. There was nothing hurtful that the guy told to my friend but after we got inside our guided tour bus,  I had a hard time consoling and comforting her as it was difficult for her to see her ex and that too with the new love of his life.

The chance meetings like the one described above cannot be avoided but one can definitely escape the sad feelings that automatically gets erupted by facebook feeds of one’s ex spouse or girlfriend through mutual friends. It is necessary to keep the emotions under control when all is over and unfriending the friends and relatives of one’s ex on facebook can prove to be helpful.

Many people are unable to do so because they don’t want to appear rude to the people they are unfriending. However, by being friends with people who were friends to you just because of your ex, you are keeping the windows open and when the windows are open something or the other will definitely fly in and cause a hindrance to the serenity of the new life that you are trying to settle in.

Coming back to the link of my friend, that triggered me to write this blog post, I think the person who has designed it, is a thoughtful guy.  If ever we share that link on our walls and if ever we receive a click on the option ‘no’, we should take it positively because may be the person who has given this reply needs our help to get over something. Sometimes we can be of help to others by being their friends and sometimes we can help others by not being in their friends’ list.

How My Family Became Stronger

I was about to head to ten days of rejuvenating vacation with my family when I badly hurt my fourth and fifth toe of my left foot. The fourth toe got fractured. The ligament of the fifth toe was torn and the bone was dislocated. To add to my woes the skin that joins my fourth toe with the fifth one had deep cuts and the doctor had to give seven stitches to sew the wound that was oozing with blood. I had to also undergo surgery for repairing the ligament and of course for fixing the dislocated bone to its usual position. I was in pain but more than that I was distraught that my daughter would not be able to enjoy the vacation that she was badly looking forward to. However, my sorrows end here. What followed was an extremely enriching feeling for me. Though I am weak temporarily; my family is stronger than before!

This crisis situation has brought us even closer. I was overwhelmed by the love, concern and care showered upon me by my husband and daughter. I kept on smiling because I wanted to instil the importance of a positive mental health on my daughter’s impressionable mind. I understand that if I display the feelings of peace and calmness even in testing times, she will be less likely to have emotional problems while dealing with the complexities of life. I want her to be strong and hence had to become strong myself.

Since I was emotionally positive, my husband got strength to deal with the additional responsibilities with a clearer mind. Even when I was in hospital he made sure that the everyday routine of our house is not disrupted. Life should move on at its usual pace even when there are setbacks. Since both my husband and I try to find advantages in adversities; we found this a good opportunity to teach our child how to take some more load of running the house. 

I am back home. Doctor has advised restricted movement. What can be a better time to teach some additional household skills to my daughter and I am taking full advantage of my restricted movement by making her stronger in all aspects. She is learning new household skills and unconsciously observing how to be cheerful even in bad situations. To add to these advantages I am able to spend more time with her.

I have also been able to really spend quality time with my husband, which is otherwise impossible because of his hectic schedule. Though the vacation would have given us this opportunity, the quality time that I am getting without going on the vacation is more precious and meaningful to me.

As a family we are stronger now, because we understand that it is not our physical condition but our attitude and environment at home that affects our mental well-being. We are stronger because we know that our happiness is connected to each other and this is why the three of us are laughing together more than before because now we understand that a family that laughs together can successfully fight the adversities.

The hospital staffs were good to me. They understood my needs so well and were completely empathetic to my pain even when they have to face taxing manoeuvres every day in their careers. Our relatives are far way but are emotionally supporting us over frequent phone calls. We are stronger because in this crisis situation we were able to realize that we are surrounded by excellent neighbours, friends and colleagues. They have been our pillars of strength and have provided support in more ways than we could think of.

Are Lies Always Morally Wrong?

My daughter had a fungal infection on her right arm. I took her to a doctor who prescribed an ointment to be applied thrice a day. Since she is a nine-year-old obedient child who is able to successfully carry out her little responsibilities; I told her to make sure that she applies the ointment thrice as advised by the doctor. One day she was lost in her favorite TV program when I asked her whether she had applied the ointment or not. She had forgotten to do so and in order to escape my reprimanding; simply replied, “Yes, I have.”  The tone in which she answered led me to go and scrutinize whether she was telling the truth or not. A close scrutiny of her arm indicated that she had lied. This resulted in loss of five minutes of her favorite program as I lectured her on how she should be conscious of her responsibilities and most importantly refrain from lying as that is wrong. The reason that she gave for her lying was that she felt that if she would have told me the truth, I would have asked her to immediately get up and put the ointment on her arm when she wanted to apply it after the program got over or probably during the advertisement break. I was intrigued by her statement, “Ma, not only the program but you are important too and I simply did not want to disappoint you by saying I have not put the ointment on the infection because I know you badly want it to disappear.”

The honesty of her answer made me think that is it always morally wrong to lie. Don’t all of us lie simply because at that time it is the best thing to do and make others around us happy? In quest of getting the truth about lying I came across the following categories of lies that non-liars often indulge in.

Sometimes we lie to make ourselves more socially acceptable

Some lies make us more civilized human beings. Suppose you have been invited to a dinner party by a person with whom you don’t get along well. What would you say to avoid this unwanted situation?

Option 1 - “I don’t want to come because I don’t like interacting with you.”

Option 2 - “I would have loved to come but I have a prior appointment.”

A majority of us would use the second option because we are civilized human beings who want to avoid unnecessary confrontations or we simply don’t want to hurt people and for that sake we don’t mind telling a lie or two.

At some point or the other all of us have indulged in false praise. Suppose you are interacting in a group of five. If X praises Y’s dress; which you don’t like at all and the others in the group do the same and ask for your opinion. What would you say?

Option 1 – “I don’t like this dress at all!”

Option 2 – “I think X is right!”

It is most likely that you will use the second option because we generally don't want to hurt the sentiments of others.

Hence lying to make ourselves socially more acceptable is right or wrong?

Sometimes we lie to keep the trust of the people who consider us trustworthy enough to guard their secrets.

M is your friend. He is in a relationship with another woman and the only person with whom he has shared this secret is you and has obviously asked you not to share this with anyone else. One day his wife N calls you up to enquire whether you know where her husband is because he is not answering the phone. You know that M is with the other woman. What will you do?

Option 1 – “You will tell N that her husband is busy with another woman.”

Option 2 – “You will say that you don’t have any idea where he is.”

No one likes breaking trust of one’s friend and perhaps this is why you will not spill out the secret and opt for option 2. Are you doing wrong by keeping the promise that you have given to your friend? Sometimes don't we lie to keep the trust of the people who consider us worthy enough to share their secrets with us?

Sometimes we lie to maintain harmony with people around us

It was A and B’s seventeenth wedding anniversary. B wanted to try out a recently opened restaurant which he used to see everyday while driving back from office. He came back home early to surprise A. A was busy in the kitchen rustling up some traditional meal. She did not expect B so early and hence when the call bell rang, instead of being happy that her husband was back home early; she felt a bit irritated as he would be able to see all the surprise dishes that she had been preparing for dinner. If you would have been in A’s position, what would have been your reaction.

Option 1 – “Wow, back home so early!!”

Option 2 – “Why didn’t you tell me that you will be coming early today, I had some surprise plans.”

Obviously, to keep peace on your anniversary day, you would have chosen the first option. A did the same and carried on with her work in the kitchen with a smile even though she highly disliked the fact that B came to know about her elaborate surprise menu; hours before it was actually the time for the food to be laid on the dining table. She felt a little disappointed that she was not able to see the instant joy on his face that she was looking forward to. 
B spent his time in front of the TV instead of spending with his wife as she was busy in the kitchen. He had come home thinking of spending some quality time with her by taking her out for dinner to the restaurant he badly wanted to go to.
Now if you would have been in B's position, what would have been your reaction?

Option 1 – “Your plan to prepare dinner at home spoilt my plans of checking out the new restaurant that  I badly wanted to go to on our anniversary.”

Option 2 – “Thank you for preparing such wonderful dishes to celebrate our anniversary.”

It is most likely that you would have opted for option 2. B reacted the same way. So hiding about one’s true feelings from one’s spouse is right or wrong? Sometimes don't we lie to maintain harmony with people around us?

Sometimes we lie for the good of the person we are lying to

C and D were two sisters. C was fighting a fatal disease in hospital. D was there with her all the time to provide emotional support to her sister and her family. The doctor had said that there was no chance of C’s survival. C and D’s mother was very frail and old and lived alone in a different city. The only source of information about her daughter C’s condition was D’s telephone calls. The old lady was herself fighting many diseases. D knew that their mother would not be able to bear the pain of hearing the news that there was no chance of survival for C. If you were in D’s position what would have you done.

Option 1 – “You would have told your mother that there is no chance of C’s survival.”

Option 2 – “You would have provided her hope for as long as possible by telling her that there were chances of C’s improvement.”

Many of you would have gone for option 2. D did the same thing. She did not want her old and frail mother to suffer by hearing the truth that there was no chance of C’s survival. She wanted to provide her a ray of hope for as long as she could. Did D do something wrong by giving false statements to her mother? Sometimes don't we lie for the good of the person we are lying to?

I hate to lie but I indulge in it in the situations that are similar to the four situations that have been described above. I do this despite the fact that I have received innumerable lessons in my childhood both at school and at home that lying is bad and we should always speak the truth. As of now, I have passed on the same lessons to my daughter. However, I am sure that as she grows older and experiences more complex situations in her life; she would start lying not for the heck of it but because sometimes a lie is less damaging than the truth. 

When Parents are Partial

The duty of parents is not just to provide equal basic necessities like food, clothing and shelter to all their children; but to also provide equal love and environment that is free of any discrimination. There might be many reasons of discrimination. One of the children might be brighter than the others in academics or extra curricular activities or one might be better looking than the others. Whatever the reason for partiality towards one child is; the rest of the children find it difficult to cope up with the trauma of being neglected by one’s own parents. This trauma leads to a sense of inferiority complex which a person carries even when he is grown up. More than anything, a child needs unconditional love and compassion to bloom into a confident and matured human being.

In many countries like India there is one major discriminating factor. If a child is male he is treated better than his female siblings. This gender specific discrimination is more common in regions where parents are not well educated. The root cause of this discrimination is that daughters in these regions are considered to be temporary additions to the family as they will marry and go away to their husband’s house. Whereas, the boys are considered to be not only the inheritors of the family’s properties but also the ones who would shoulder the responsibility of taking care of the parent’s when they are old. 

Looking from a broader and a different perspective, the reason why parents pay more attention to one child could be that he is not as good and efficient as the other children and parents pay more attention to him because they think that while others will find their place in the sun; the child who is not as bright as the others needs that extra push to be at par with the rest of his siblings.

Arun was a child who was always made to sacrifice not only his favourite belongings but also his time with his parent’s because his brother was a slow learner and his parents always ensured that he picks up things as fast as Arun does. The level of appreciation that Arun received for his achievements was far less than what his brother received from his parents. It was not because they were less happy when Arun achieved something but because they thought that his brother needs the extra encouragement to succeed like him. Arun’s young mind did not understand this and he grew up with a sense of sibling rivalry.

Now Arun is a successful professional whereas his brother is not even half as successful as he is. Their parents are old and expect Arun to financially help his brother every now and then. Arun helps his brother but not out of compassion, rather to just keep the words of his parents. His parents strongly dislike the hatred that he garners for his brother without realizing that they themselves are the root cause of rivalry between their two children.

His parents did not express their love to him the way he wanted them to express. Even when he is forty now; his wounds have still not healed. Out of fear that he might end up discriminating between his children just as his parents did, he is contented with his one child and has no plans to have the second baby even when his wife craves for it. 

Parents should be matured enough to shower their love on each and every child equally. Instead of being too involved with the achievements or weaknesses of one child, they should understand and value the unique personality traits of all their children. This attitude would help in equal personality development of each of their children and they would build a very strong bond amongst themselves which they will maintain even when the parents are not alive.

When Teacher is Partial

Whether it is the buzzing playground, the silent assembly hall or the lively cafeteria; there is always a bunch of children who are the center of attraction. They are considered superior by the rest.

These children who are in the thick of everything are generally the children of the teaching staff of the school. They enjoy a celebrity like status in the school.

Whether it is picking a ball in the playground or the friends they keep; each and every action is observed. As a result of the extra attention paid to them; they take advantage of the situation. They boast about their connections and often bully other children.

Sometimes, unconsciously, even the teacher’s pay a little more attention to the children of their colleagues. Gestures like smiling or hugging these children as they might be a part of their network even outside school leaves a great impact on the psyche of other children who do not have parents teaching in the school. Children especially those studying in the elementary levels look up to the teachers for guidance and think of them as their role models. The behaviors of teachers influences their way of thinking and social adjustments. A teacher who practices partiality induces inferiority complex in young minds. Children start feeling that they are not noticed by the teacher because of their own weaknesses. Needless to say performance in school starts getting affected.

The schools should foster the ideas in teachers that each child is important and precious. Even when a child does not show any behavioral patterns that indicate that he is feeling neglected; he might be slowly getting disconnected with the school environment. School environment plays a pivotal role in shaping up his personality. School going children are very impressionable and consider their teachers as Gods. Hence teachers should keep up to this image in order to fulfill the educational and emotional needs of their pupils. A partial teacher can destroy a child’s confidence and hamper his all round development